All intended parents are confronted with the decision as to whether or not they should tell their child (and others) that they used a third-party to conceive their child. Parents usually come to a decision based on their own comfort level and feelings regarding using an egg donor or surrogate. Most experts agree that honesty is the best policy when it comes to informing your child. A good website that goes into more detail about how to talk to your children in developmentally appropriate ways is www.donor-conception-network.org. The website has a great series of booklets entitled “Telling and Talking” – they offer advice on how to talk to your child at every stage. Before telling your child you want to asses 1) the child’s emotional and intellectual capacity to process the information and 2) the extent to which your family, culture or religion may be able to accept a child born through egg donation or surrogacy.
The decision to tell your child may be an easy one or one fraught with decision. Most family therapists would agree that telling your child is the easier path to take because there’s no room for misconceptions or false information, which inevitably leads to feelings of betrayal or mistrust. It’s also recommended to start giving some information at a relatively early age, from three to five years old. Again, the website above goes into thorough detail in advising how to talk to children of all ages regarding their conception.
- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT
Beverly Hills Egg Donation Staff Psychotherapist
All intended parents are confronted with the decision as to whether they should tell their child (and others) that they used a third-party to conceive their child. Â Parents usually come to a decision based on their own comfort level and feelings regarding using an 
