how to choose an egg donor


Meeting the Egg Donor

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Part 3 in Brenda Fahn-Hardt’s informal discussion for Intended Parents.

Meeting the Donor?  There is No Right Choice.

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At some point during the egg donor process most parents consider whether or not they should meet their egg donor.  There is no right or wrong answer to this question.  Each case is different and depends on the intentions and expectations of the intended parents.  If their expectations seem reasonable and realistic, then meeting the egg donor can turn into a very positive experience.  Most of the time intended parents want to be able to meet their donor so that they have the option of telling their child at a later date.  Statistically, only about 20% of intended parents choose to meet their donor.  If you intend to tell your child that they were conceived with an egg donor and you want to tell your child something about the donor, then meeting would likely be a positive experience.  Many times parents to not have an interest in, or feel comfortable, meeting their donor, which of course should always be respected.  Each situation is different.

- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT

Beverly Hills Egg Donation Staff Psychotherapist

Choosing an Egg Donor

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Part two in our series of discussions on psychological issues for Intended Parents.

Choosing a Donor

iStock_000009735939SmallOnce intended parents have made the decision to use an egg donor, anxiety can arise surrounding the donor choice.  Every intended parent usually approaches the issue with ‘preconceived’ criteria for choosing their ‘perfect’ candidate – beyond the standard medical screening that is done, scholastics, personality, and appearance are usually at the top of their list.  I empathize with individuals and couples as to how difficult it is to make such a big decision.  It is important to remember that there is no rush in choosing a donor.  It takes time to find the right match.  Whatever the intended parents are looking for, I encourage them to get as much information as possible from their egg donation agency regarding their donor, while also trying not to ‘over-control’ the situation.  Once one feels they have made the best decision, according to the information they have, then the challenge can be trying letting go.  There are no guarantees in life, all of us who are parents usually begrudgingly learn that a lot more of life is out of our control than we would like.  Parenting is about being able to handle all the imperfections that come with a child, whether you have your child through an egg donor or not.  When couples do have difficulty containing their anxiety during this process therapy can help.

As the ‘screening’ psychotherapist, my process is analytical and involves assessing the donor for her maturity and ability to follow through with the process, as well as the presence of any major psycho-pathology (i.e. personality or mood disorders).  An interview and psychological test are used to check for either of the two preceding elements.

- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT

Beverly Hills Egg Donation Staff Psychotherapist

Why a Backup Egg Donor is a Good Idea

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

You’ve been searching for weeks for your ideal egg donor candidate, taking into consideration physical characteristics, fertility history, family health and educational achievements.  You’ve ranked your favorites, narrowed them down, slept on it and now that you’ve found your perfect match and are ready to book her, you can breathe a big sigh of relief and know that your search is finally behind you.

Right?

iStock_000002307811SmallNot quite.  Despite the best of intentions, something will go wrong in 25%-30% of all egg donor cycles and most, if not all of these issues cannot be predicted in advance.  Beverly Hills Egg Donation has an extensive in-house screening process and a team of donor reps who work diligently to ensure that our selection of donors is the strongest that it can be, but there is always the potential for surprises once a cycle gets underway.  As is the nature of working with a young woman in her early to mid- twenties, your donor will be having medical testing for a number of things that, if not for this donation, she likely would never have been tested for at her age.  There are also occasionally unforeseen issues that come up in the psychological testing, genetic counseling, or during the legal process.  In fact, this is why we utilize these professionals in the first place – to protect you and ensure that you have the best chance possible at a successful outcome once the medication phase of the cycle begins.  While our personal screening process is an initial review, we employ others to help uncover any health/genetic problems that may otherwise have gone undetected and confirm that your donor is psychologically prepared to donate.

This is why, no matter how perfect your donor may seem, we always recommend that you select a backup option before going forward with your cycle.  We have many repeat donors available (which lessens the possibility that something unexpected will come up to deter or derail your cycle), but even then if something goes wrong and you have a backup choice, our cycle coordinator will be able to help you move seamlessly onto that donor without using any momentum.  There is also no additional agency fee to switch donors; your full fee will be applied to the subsequent cycle.

Ideally, your cycle will be completed smoothly and without a hitch.  However, one of the best things that you can do to make your experience with egg donation as successful as possible is to remain flexible and be prepared for the unexpected – which includes having a backup donor in mind before you book your perfect match.