Part two in our series of discussions on psychological issues for Intended Parents.
Choosing a Donor
Once intended parents have made the decision to use an egg donor, anxiety can arise surrounding the donor choice. Every intended parent usually approaches the issue with ‘preconceived’ criteria for choosing their ‘perfect’ candidate – beyond the standard medical screening that is done, scholastics, personality, and appearance are usually at the top of their list. I empathize with individuals and couples as to how difficult it is to make such a big decision. It is important to remember that there is no rush in choosing a donor. It takes time to find the right match. Whatever the intended parents are looking for, I encourage them to get as much information as possible from their egg donation agency regarding their donor, while also trying not to ‘over-control’ the situation. Once one feels they have made the best decision, according to the information they have, then the challenge can be trying letting go. There are no guarantees in life, all of us who are parents usually begrudgingly learn that a lot more of life is out of our control than we would like. Parenting is about being able to handle all the imperfections that come with a child, whether you have your child through an egg donor or not. When couples do have difficulty containing their anxiety during this process therapy can help.
As the ‘screening’ psychotherapist, my process is analytical and involves assessing the donor for her maturity and ability to follow through with the process, as well as the presence of any major psycho-pathology (i.e. personality or mood disorders). An interview and psychological test are used to check for either of the two preceding elements.
- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT
Beverly Hills Egg Donation Staff Psychotherapist
The following is the first in a series of postings from 
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote the classic treatise on dealing with grief. In her seminal work, she identifies the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In a perfect world, an individual would experience these stages sequentially. Yet, each of us approaches life’s complications in our own way. The process becomes inherently more complicated when dealing with two individuals simultaneously, given the complicated dynamics of relationships in general. It takes an enormous amount of patience and understanding to respect and understand your partner’s process. Therefor I encourage couples to attend support groups and couple’s therapy to assist them through the grieving process.
About one week later, I got a call from my doctor. He explained calmly that having a baby the traditional way was not going to be possible for me. My FSH was 48 and my eggs were no longer viable. He immediately introduced the 
