egg donor programs


Heather Becomes a BHED Donor

Monday, October 25th, 2010

A couple of years ago I heard about egg donation from a friend.  I was very interested in the process at the time, but my schedule didn’t offer me enough flexibility at the time to be a donor.  Recently, however, my schedule opened up and I decided to go for it.

I became interested in egg donation because of my mother’s experience with infertility.  My mother became pregnant when she was 16, and when her mother found out she took her across the border into Tijuana and forced her to have an abortion.  Unfortunately, this caused her a lot of problems, resulting in a total hysterectomy at the age of 26.  When my parents were ready to have children, their only option was adoption.  Because I was adopted, I have always wanted to share the miracle of family with someone – whether it was adopting a child or helping someone conceive through egg donation.

My husband and I are newly married (so we’re not quite ready to start our own family) and it seems like a good time to commit to being a part of a donation and help someone in need.  I searched online for egg donation agencies and, after reviewing many sites, I came across BHED.  The BHED site was so much more informative and honest than any other sites I visited, so it was really an easy choice for me.  Alexa Abrams was so wonderful during my interview.  She was eager to answer every question I had and also threw out a few answers to frequently asked questions I hadn’t thought to ask.  She really put me at ease and reassured me that I had chosen a great agency.  She also got me really excited about the process!

I am so eager and excited to be matched with a recipient family and go through my first retrieval.  This is such an amazing thing to be able to do for someone.  To help someone in need have a child they will cherish forever is a great thing, and I can’t wait to be a part of it!

- BHED donor, Heather #9448

Egg Donation and Travel

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

7f5ba2797648bfb4aaea04a189154292I was 21 when egg donation sparked my interest (a friend of the family was struggling through infertility and decided to use an egg donor).  I had never heard about it or thought of it, so, of course, I wanted to know more.  Once I learned about the process and saw how much joy it brought to my friend and her family, I knew it was something that I wanted to do.

Unfortunately, Iowa doesn’t have many fertility clinics that use donors.  In my research, I was surprised to find that California was always popping up!  So, I decided to give it a try with an out-of-state egg donor agency.  I now have two previous cycles under my belt (not with BHED, but through another California agency).  When I got matched for my first cycle, I was a bit nervous about all of the traveling – it was my first time on a plane and my first time out of the Midwest!  However, I soon realized that traveling was actually an unexpected perk!  I was assigned a coordinator who took care of everything from airplane tickets, to hotel and rental car reservations.  I didn’t have to worry about anything!

Not only that, but I didn’t have to be alone which went a long way towards putting me at ease when it came time to travel.  I got to bring a companion with me, which made the whole experience much more enjoyable.  My meals were also paid for – I got a per diem so I wasn’t required to pay for any necessities out-of-pocket (well, until I went shopping, which I had plenty of time for!).  I usually had about 4 days in California before my procedure, and during that time I usually just had one appointment a day.

Now, while there were a lot of great things about traveling, there can also be downfalls.  The first is that I never knew the exact dates of my travel until about a week beforehand, because it all depended on how my body reacted to the hormones.  So, it’s important to have flexibility with your schedule!  Also, I had to make sure that the companion I brought had flexibility as well.  I received all of my medication in the mail and when I received it I spent awhile on the phone learning how to mix and inject it properly, as opposed to just going to a clinic and having a nurse teach me.  Especially at first, I felt that I had to be a bit more pro-active than a donor working with a clinic that’s just down the street.   Once I started medication, I had appointments to be monitored at a clinic here in Iowa and they would fax the results to my doctor in California.  I never got to meet the doctor or nurses I was working with until I arrived shortly before the retrieval!  Also, one of the things that I didn’t like about the agency that I was working with is that I was usually on a plane headed home the day after my retrieval.  I would’ve felt more comfortable with more follow up iStock_000011752800XSmallbefore I went back home, but that is one of the reasons that I’m excited to work with Beverly Hills Egg Donation.  I know that they’re great about following up with their donors afterwards.

I think that the whole experience for an out-of-state donor is exciting and fun overall.  It’s definitely a perk!  I can be nerve-racking at times, because the clinic and doctor you’re working with are in another state, but I think that it’s important for the donor to take charge and be as communicative as possible!  The nurses and coordinators that you’re working with are there to help, so don’t be afraid to ask as many questions as you want.  Being flexible with your schedule is also important and it’s great to have your companion picked out early on, if possible.  It takes a lot of the stress off.  If you get the chance to donate away from home, enjoy it knowing that you’re getting a great opportunity to travel while also helping make a couple’s dreams come true!

-Nichole, BHED donor #8438

Congratulations to Karl and Carl!

Monday, June 7th, 2010

BeduineneKarl and Carl’s road to becoming parents was a roller coaster experience.  They booked their first egg donor in late 2008 and it took a full year and a half, and three donors by the time everything was said and done, for their twin boys to make their debut.  Throughout it all they remained positive, flexible and committed to making their dreams of parenthood a reality.  A big CONGRATULATIONS from everybody here at BHED!

An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended Parents

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

BrendaThe following is the first in a series of postings from Beverly Hills Egg Donation staff psychotherapist, Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT.  Brenda comes to us with years of experience working exclusively  with egg donors and couples dealing with infertility issues.  In this, and in posts to come, she will address some of the most common psychological and emotional issues that come up in her work with Intended Parents.


Intended parents usually come to infertility services after spending years on an emotional roller-coaster.  There are several emotional and psychological issues that intended parents typically encounter during this process.  The ones that I encounter most in my practice are 1) Dealing with the grief of not being able to conceive your own biological child 2) The anxiety associated with choosing a donor 3) Deciding whether to meet the donor during the process 4) Fears of not being bonded or connected to your child and 4) Deciding if, when and how to reveal to your child that an egg donor was used in their conception.

Grieving

The journey to the egg donor option can be arduous for most couples.  The realization that you are unable to conceive without the assistance of a third party can be internalized in numerous ways – the most common emotions are feelings of failure, inadequacy, humility and anger.  When couples arrive at an infertility office, frequently they have not dealt with the trauma and pain that usually exists.  I always encourage couples to experience their unresolved grief before getting too far down the road in the process.  However, in many instances, because couples have been waiting years to conceive a child, they often feel compelled to jump into the next stage without processing their feelings.  It is common for couples to get caught up in the frenzy of doctor’s offices, tests, shots and drugs while neglecting to take a step back and let oneself absorb and process the grief.

coupleElizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote the classic treatise on dealing with grief.  In her seminal work, she identifies the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  In a perfect world, an individual would experience these stages sequentially.  Yet, each of us approaches life’s complications in our own way.  The process becomes inherently more complicated when dealing with two individuals simultaneously, given the complicated dynamics of relationships in general.  It takes an enormous amount of patience and understanding to respect and understand your partner’s process.  Therefor I encourage couples to attend support groups and couple’s therapy to assist them through the grieving process.

The goal in the last stage of the grief process is acceptance.  Acceptance can take on different outcomes for different couples (or single parents).  The one constant is the reality that one is unable to conceive his/her own biological child.  When one comes to this acceptance, there are different paths from which to choose – using an egg donor agency and/or surrogate, adopting a child or choosing not to have a child.  Whichever path is chosen, you want to be confident about your decision and optimistic about your future.

- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT