If you’re reading this, you are most likely as bewildered as my partner and I were when we started this process…
So many moving parts, so many businesses ready to “help us create our family”.
How does one choose the perfect place? This was the biggest thing we’d ever take on. This was not buying a new car. Our fertility doctors sent us his top 4 recommendations for Egg Donor Agencies. We found 4 others on our own. We spent MANY weeks searching the sites. After awhile, it felt like online dating. Only the “date” would be the genetic mother of our child.
Fairly quickly, it became clear what we should focus on. In addition to the actual donor profiles, we realized the importance of the egg donor agency itself. Because we’d be going into business with BHED, the particulars mattered a lot. The fees , the management, the rules, it all became important. Of the 8 sites we kept searching, BHED’s language and demeanor was the fit we were looking for. Very upfront. Very reasonable. Very tidy. In terms of profiles, we found several profiles where the Donor only offered the perfect answers from top to bottom, with absolutely no familial health risks or conditions. It simply was not realistic. Because we’d be placing so much trust in someone, honesty was crucial to us, even if we never met that someone. Several times, we had specific questions about a donor. Not only did Lisa Greer answer them immediately (yep, I said immediately), she took it all a step further by providing her email, and all of her phone numbers to us. This spoke volumes to us about BHED’s level of dedication. How many Managing Partners make themselves completely available to you in this day and age? Not many.
Once we selected our Donor (not an easy process), Lisa hosted a conference call wherein we spoke to our donor. There’s an inherent awkwardness to that phone call, and Lisa could not have navigated it any more perfectly. She kept it discreet, kept it moving, and somehow kept it comfortable. Because we live close by, I wanted to not only meet Lisa, but see the office. I felt like it was a good idea to see the business in person. I’m very glad I did. It only made me feel even better about entrusting BHED with our Egg Donation.
From then on, my partner and I were graced (yep, I said graced) with Liz Bader-Natal as our Case Manager. Over the next 3 months, Liz gently and firmly guided us with such straightforward knowledge, it was a gift. Granted this was all a business transaction of sorts, but given the nature of the process, there is very much a human element. I had no idea how important she would become to us in the coming months. Amazingly, Liz answered the phone each time I called. Each time. I still don’t know how she did it. My partner and I are 2 men, far from well-versed in terms of the Fertility world. Lupron? Follistim? Menopur? Each step of the way, Liz explained everything to us with the patience of a Saint. Really. As with anything complicated, so much can go wrong. Every single thing Liz and/or Lisa said to us we believed. We were never given a reason not to. And everything they said was true. In hindsight, I realize now how amazingly they anticipated situations, as opposed to only handling them as they occured.
We still have a ways to go. 8 months to be exact. Sadly, our actual time with BHED is finished. I’m not sure it Lisa and Liz know this, but they will be posted with all upcoming milestones. Given how tremendous they were with us at every turn, it’s the least we can do.
-Seth, BHED Recipient